House Hunters: Regional Edition

I am house hunting, and it ain't pretty out there. I thought this would be easy: get pre-approved, look around, and make a bid on a cute little place you'd like to call home.

Ha!

Have you seen our housing market? It's a jungle out there!

I imagine myself in camo garb; black smeered across my cheeks to deflect the light; crawling around and inspecting; deciphering a strange, new language that is real estate jargon -- a version of English with lots of badly-chosen adjectives, but without punctuation.

Sigh. We've seen so many houses I worry that there is nothing out there for less than the cost of my first-born or that doesn't smell worse than the SPCA on a bad day.

I've seen stoves from 1954, and bathroom tiling from 1968; foundations that couldn't be dated, and roofs that looked assembled by children.

Yesterday at one house visit, another couple drove up, got out of their car, and promptly got back in. My agent said "they just pulled a Paige" because I had done that so many times!

It gets better doesn't it?

My agent says we are in the best position because we're first-time homebuyers:

• we aren't in a rush
• we don't have to sell another house
• we get to upgrade from an apartment
• we don't have to pay land transfer taxes
• we can demand our price or walk away

I am at the point where I feel bad for my friends! I keep emailing them, telling them about the latest house viewing -- the next potential -- and it always falls through. How bored they must be by the mediocrity!

But fear not, ladies! I am on a mission to find a place or be damned. If I can find Badgley Mischka at Winners, I can find a house!